For the last five years, I’ve been living with an anxiety and panic disorder. Since my diagnosis, I’ve slowly learned ways to manage the absolutely debilitating effects this disorder has had on my overall health and well-being. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, my mental illness has recently wreaked havoc on my life once again.

The Unseen Struggles of Mental Illness

One of the most challenging aspects of mental illness is that it’s often “unseen.” Unlike physical conditions that manifest visibly, mental disorders can be hidden beneath the surface. My anxiety and panic disorder don’t have outwardly visible symptoms, but they’ve taken a significant toll on my body and mind. From the outside looking in, I might appear as happy and healthy as ever, but that’s just not the truth.

This summer alone, I’ve experienced significant weight loss as a direct result of prolonged anxiety. During panic attacks, I’ve even lost my sense of sight, temporarily becoming almost completely blind. These episodes leave me feeling utterly helpless, and the constant battle against anxiety has been exhausting. Lately, I’ve spent countless days with tear-stained cheeks and nearly as many nights medicating myself to avoid panic and anxiety attacks in my sleep. But how would anyone know any of this without being able to see it?

The Reality of Living with Anxiety

The truth is that this year has been hard—harder than I ever could have anticipated. I feel like I’ve been living in an extended out-of-body experience, watching everything around me unravel and become foreign. My life doesn’t feel like mine at the moment, and I’m trying to figure out how to reclaim it.

But amidst the struggle, I recognize the importance of being honest about my experience. So here’s me—raw, real, and vulnerable. I’m pulling back the curtain on what mental health disorders really look like. I’m putting a more realistic face on an invisible illness with invisible symptoms and creating a space to visualize the reality that I, and so many others, experience. Because it’s important to shine a light on what often remains hidden.

You’re Not Alone: Reaching Out for Help

If you’re struggling too, know that you’re not alone. It’s easy to feel isolated when dealing with a mental health disorder, but there’s a community out there that understands what you’re going through. Let’s start a conversation—share your story or reach out if you need someone to talk to. My DM’s are always open.

In addition, here are some mental health resources that can offer support:

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): NAMI offers resources, support groups, and information on mental health conditions, treatment options, and ways to cope.
• Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): The ADAA provides information on anxiety disorders, depression, and related conditions. They also offer a directory of therapists who specialize in anxiety and depression.
• Crisis Text Line: If you’re in crisis, you can text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor who can provide support and help you navigate your situation.
• BetterHelp: An online platform that connects you with licensed therapists for remote counseling sessions, offering convenience and access to professional help from the comfort of your home.
• Headspace: A mindfulness and meditation app that can help you manage stress, anxiety, and sleep issues through guided sessions designed to calm your mind and improve your well-being.

Mental Health Matters

Mental health matters, and it’s okay to let people know when things don’t feel okay. It’s a sign of strength to reach out for help, to share your story, and to support others who may be going through similar struggles. Together, we can break the stigma surrounding mental health and create a world where everyone feels comfortable seeking the support they need.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Let’s keep the conversation going and support one another as we navigate the challenges of mental health together.

Creative Direction & Editing: @marissa_kaitlyn_

Photographer: @kassidyklicks